Monday, April 20, 2009

Reflection...

There are lots of incidents or episodes that happen in life out of which there are a very few that leave a mark on your life changing you in some or the other way… for either the good or bad… Such instances make me the person I am today…

"It is by chance that we met, by choice that we became friends."

It all started on a Saturday morning when I tried reaching him (Bunty) on his mobile a couple of times for over 2 hours, maybe more than that, to find out if everything was going on well at the office even though I was angry with him, and that he did not face any problem in whatsoever it may be. But to my great dismay I was unable to reach him even after trying incessantly for more than 2 hours as I got only one message that “this mobile is switched off”. In those hours, various thoughts started coming to my mind out of which some were pleasant and some were not. And the unpleasant thoughts carry you into some other world...

With all the turmoil going on in my mind, I then decided to call up his sis and did so at around 12:30 pm to find out what had gone wrong, and she mentioned that he was running fever that morning to which my instant reaction was that he could have called and asked me to go to the office instead of him going in that feverish condition. And then he happened to call up his sis on the other line at that very moment itself and I got to know the status of the work after which I immediately hung up the phone but still with lot of questions in my mind which were still answered… which in turn lead to more and more questions….I was at that point of time in the market doing some routine grocery shopping for the week and at that time as well my mind was not at peace as I did not have the answer to so many questions which were erupting in my mind like a volcano but somehow I did shop at the same time missing out on more that half of the things which I could not remember….

I could not stop thinking about the fact that he (Bunty) could not have given me a call and I could have gone to the office to do that extra share of work…after all I was just a phone call away. Is he that angry with me…as I have not been speaking to him for the last 4 days; without any fault of mine? That statement of his which he made 4 days back had pricked me to the core as I thought of him to be my best friend and not a colleague of all the people I work with at the office. He said “If I had been in America, I would have sued you for doing this”. Those words pierced my ears first and then straight went to the heart. The fact that he kept money above all the relationships in the world… even friendship... hurt me somewhere deep inside. It lead to a long silence of 4 days… which seemed like ages…I don’t whether that silence was comfortable to both of us… but I felt that I was torturing myself by not talking to him all these days…I can go the extent of describing as to how I felt with each passing day as to how the situation went on to become worse day by day!! But all I can say in a line is that I felt that I did “not live” for 4 days…And he did not even bother to ask or feel why his friend was so angry at him. Probably he never considered me one… may be that is the way he is but this way he could loose many good friends in his life as true friends are hard to find and even harder to retrace once they are lost…

I kept cursing myself the whole day that if I was not angry with him all these days, maybe he (Bunty) would have given me a call, he could have taken some rest at home and I could have gone to the office. But then he did not just because of my stupid anger on him… with all these thoughts in my mind which were troubling me and were ruining my day, I tried calling him in the afternoon sometime 3:30 to find out how he was doing and also to find out why he did not give me a call. But to my great dismay, he disconnected the call after two rings which made me feel even more miserable and antagonized. I got even more upset at myself, cursing myself that I made him so angry at him but not talking to myself that he does not even want to talk to me, he did not even answer my call. With a hoard of questions and thoughts that kept coming to my mind, I kept thinking about him the whole day… and surprisingly the thoughts that came to my mind were very different from what I had thought…

Bunty as I know him, I thought I would visualize the not so good side but to my surprise I saw the other side of it…I saw myself thinking that… It is a different matter that we keep quarrelling with each other over very little things but this is the beauty of friendship and we still are the best of friends, and I guess we will always be. In spite of whatever, I still care for him; I really do as always… the way I used to. I still like him for the person he is, the way he is. I have been touched by all the little things he did for me… even if it is getting a cup of tea for me… or giving me a chewing gum or even thinking about me… and there is lot more that I can go on and on narrating… I always miss him when he is not around, I missed him when he went to Chennai for some official work; when he was away from office for a conference; when he went for office cricket team practice… the fact that I remembered all the times when he was not around was in itself a testimony that I still like him and would want him to be my friend all my life and would want to be his friend all my life… I still like him… unconditionally… irrespective of the kind of person he is…

He is this silent & sweet person yet very jovial & interesting at times with a great sense of humor but then this sense of humor at times does hurt the feelings of some one very sensitive like me. But then if I gave it some more thought; I felt or realized that guys are not so sensitive towards most of the things in life. This thought probably gave me some solace and I learnt to live with the fact that this is the way he is… and true friends accept each other the way they are, with each other’s positive & negative qualities… Maybe he would some day realize that he had a friend sitting next to him rather than just a colleague, who was a little different from all the others in a way…just the way the saying goes “you don’t realize the value of something until it is lost”….

With all the thoughts that filled up my mind throughout the day and the introspection that I got gradually indulged into, completing a few tasks also for the day and closing my day with dinner which I half-heartedly had after a day’s fasting as family was pressurizing me to have, I sat down on the bed to watch TV and all of a sudden my mobile rang at 9:50 in the night, and the moment I picked it up, to my surprise I saw on the display screen… “Bunty calling” and within that second my anger was off my nose and some thousands of questions like sea waves came to my mind with a big smile on my face.

Yes, I wanted to speak to him so badly, yes, I wanted to find out how he was keeping, yes I wanted to tell him that I was sorry for being angry at him even though it was his fault, yes I wanted to ask him why he disconnected my call, yes, I wanted to ask him was he angry with me; And yes, all my questions got answered within that 2-3 minutes talk we had. I was extremely happy to know that he was not angry with me, even happier to know that he did not have high fever. His call put an end to all the anxiety and sadness I was surrounded with the whole day… At last my folks could see me happy, smiling & jumping around all over the place and then we went for a long drive…

I still value his words, thoughts, views & opinion. I still cherish him and would always do till I am alive… because… Bunty

“A part of you has grown in me;

Together forever we shall be.

Never apart;

May be in distance but never in heart”

Bubbly

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